this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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