New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
