I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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