But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
