yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
