The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
