i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize