seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My dick has a subreddit
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
