hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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