Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
