i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
