I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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