How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
