In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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