he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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