his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
