Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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