i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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