There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
