So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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