So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
