We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
