She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
