I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
