I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
