i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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