i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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