I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
