i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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