I am in a vortex of obligation.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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