I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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