I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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