Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
