i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
