I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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