Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
