I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
