Fuck appropriateness.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
