That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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