oh fat girl friday strikes again...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
