What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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