Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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