Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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