I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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