that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
