i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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