my sisters under your porch take her home
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
