how can u be prego again
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
