You're my little dorito
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
