youre lurking in front of me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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