just come out here and I will go home with you...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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