hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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