I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
