I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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