he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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