And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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