i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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