it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
