I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
